Remembering ❤️ Sebastian

Me and Sebastian in Cancun

As a family, we always loved traveling, but it was your love for travel, adventure and seeing new places that was truly amazing. You wanted to see it all. A three-and-a-half year-old boy whose dream was to see the Eiffel Tower, the Coliseum, and the Pisa Tower. You loved to learn about monuments and different places around the world. I will never forget how your face lit up every time you found out we were going somewhere.

The one vacation I will never forget… the weather was not that greatest but who would need sunlight when this little ball of sunshine was running all over the hotel? With a bright smile on your face, you would talk to everyone and cheer them up. People could not help but to smile back at you when they saw your face filled with so much happiness. From the very beginning, you were mama’s little ball of light and love. You will always be mama’s light and love no matter where you are.

I miss seeing you and Gia play together. I will never forget the moment when Gia was just beginning to say her first words and you shouted with so much excitement: “Mama, Gia is talking!!!” There was so much delight and amazement behind this simple statement, and the  way you said it, made the moment unforgettable. I will keep it in my heart forever.

I thought that there would be so many more special moments in our future. I wanted to show you how much fun playing in the snow can be. I wanted to, one day, hold your hand while we watched snowflakes fall down on our faces. I wanted to show you how to make snow angels. I wanted to see you skiing down the hill, yelling “I want to go faster!” I am thankful to God for our short vacation in Big Bear. Even though there wasn’t much snow then, spending time there and seeing you and Gia play in the cabin is a gift that no one could ever take away from me. I will always think of you when I feel snowflakes on my face and I hope to see your face in one of these snowflakes when I look up into the sky.

Halloween was the time of the year that I was looking forward to so much since you arrived. I will always remember how you loved looking at all the pumpkins in people’s homes and how sad you became when Halloween was over and all the pumpkins were taken away.  Thank you for that dream on Halloween night and the opportunity to tell you how much I love you!

You always wanted to be first and you will always be FIRST in my heart. I remember when I always tricked you into using the bathroom before going to sleep since nothing else worked. I would shout, “Sebastian, mama is going to be first one in the bathroom!” And right away, you would stop anything you were doing to race me to the bathroom, screaming “No, no, I want to be first!”

You made sure all of our outings were always special because, for you, everything was always so exciting—but nothing was as exciting as our time at the beach. We would run into the water screaming “nuzie, nuzie” (“feet, feet” which was Sebastian’s way of describing splashing in the ocean), splashing water all over the place with our feet and then playing with the waves and making “slady” (footprints) in the sand.

Without a doubt, Knott’s Berry Farm was your favorite 🙂 I will forever cherish those moments when the two of us got on the rides there and our time there as a family.  It was always so happy, so colorful yet surprisingly peaceful. During Christmas time we could truly feel the Christmas spirit in our hearts. That was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. 

Our last Christmas… I am so thankful to God for the opportunity to experience something this beautiful. We spent the Christmas time together with such joy and peace, dancing with you and Gia, laughing. You were so happy when you saw your birthday gift and then the Christmas gift. I loved seeing how consumed you were while playing with your train track. There was never another toy that you loved as much as that train track. My heart always fills with so much warmth when I think back to that time.

I also really miss playing with you and Gia in our backyard: our little oasis and a place where our imagination had no limits. Our favorite pastimes were running around chasing lizard, watching the hardworking ants or the roly-polies scuttling through the dirt. I still see you in the sandbox making birthday cakes and countless “soups” for mama. I loved watching you there so hard at work. I will also cherish the moments you were with your father: when the two of you where watering the grass or working on finishing up the playground. I loved watching you through the window while doing the dishes. You were always so happy to help out around the house. I miss those moments when we did the dishes together and then worked on some puzzles and watched Calliou together while Gia was sleeping. That was our time, our valuable time, which I will keep forever, deep inside my heart.