Most people who meet me for the first time and are unfamiliar with my story, perceive me as a very joyful person concluding that I must have had an absolutely perfect life in order to be so darn happy.
I have always been naturally optimistic. No matter what life brought my way, I had always been able to wipe away my tears and get up even stronger, trying my best to put a smile of my face, asking God to fill my heart, once again, with lightness and joy. However, just because I am optimistic by nature, it does not mean that staying positive is always easy.
Though others see a smile on my face, they do not see the struggle that goes on inside me. There are days when I feel so much pain and despair, that I literally just want to bang my head against the wall or, better yet, just jump out of my body altogether. There are times when I have no more will to continue the fight. I have had to deal with so many things… I had found myself in the deepest hole possible… As I started to slowly come out of it, it was my hope that things would get easier with time. However, for some reason, life continues to knock me down time and time again, oftentimes making me feel like I can no longer handle it, like there is no more strength left inside of me to get up and try again.
Some may see my joy and happiness and conclude that this must be easy for me—to be this way. But no one sees the fight I continue to have with myself in order to stay this positive, optimistic, and patient, and to still believe that something may actually, finally, change for the better. I have been very blessed and have witnessed many miracles unfold right before my eyes—there are days when it is easy to notice the blessings in my life. However, there are days when everything looks gray and focusing on what is good in my life is extremely difficult. On those days, I have to fight really hard to be able to notice the blessings God is surrounding me with, and to stray strong and, most of all, to stay sane.
Some may ask why I fight so hard to remain positive. Well, most importantly, I do it because I am afraid that if I allow myself to dive deeper into the despair, there may be no way out and I could eventually drown. I also believe that staying positive will not only help our daily lives become easier, but also open doors for even more positivity as well as create other miracles, big or small.
Now, when I say that I like to remain positive, in no way am I implying that the emotions we experience, both positive and negative, should be denied. I strongly believe that, in order to stay healthy both emotionally and physically, we need to acknowledge our current state of emotions including sadness, anger, or pain. Denying ourselves these feelings would cause more harm than good. However, once these feelings are acknowledged, I try to move on and focus on the good thoughts and on the positives, and to make room for the miracles to enter my life again.