Choosing to be grateful

Despite all the pain that I have endured in the past, I have also witnessed many miracles in my life, many of them within the last couple of years. One of them stands out in my mind. A few months ago, as usual, Gia and I went to bring Sebastian flowers and to visit the nearby playground afterwards. As I paused to watch Gia play, I suddenly felt a wave of intense emotions wash over me as I wished I could see Sebastian and Gia play together, once again. Within the next few minutes, while we were playing by a wooden staircase, a little four-year-old boy with a head full of dark blond hair, like Sebastian’s, stormed through the playground and ran straight into Gia, almost hitting her in the face. Seeing this, his caregiver became really concerned and approached me with an apologetic voice, explaining that he does that often to other kids, but in all honesty all he wants to do is to play. For the next fifteen minutes I watched the two of them playing together, as if they had been best friends since forever, giggling and following one another. In that moment, it felt like I was watching both my babies play together. As I stood watching them, I felt tears dropping down my cheeks and realized I was crying: not because of what I lost, but instead, because God was letting me experience this little miracle.

In one way or another, we have all experienced some type of a heartbreak and loss. However, each day we can make a choice to either cry over what we had lost or be grateful for what we have in the given moment. When we experience any kind of loss, we tend to look back and lament over whatever had vanished from our lives. It is not easy to let go of something we had loved and cherished once, especially when our reality does not offer much hope. Nevertheless, in reality, if we would be able to just focus on all the different blessings and comforts that surround us, we would realize that although we may have lost something truly important, there are still plenty of things in our everyday lives that we should be grateful for.

We often take so much for granted and don’t realize what we had until it is already gone. It is also so ironic how subjective our happiness can be: one person may have everything including a wonderful family, all the riches and comforts of this world and wonderful prospects for the future while still feeling miserable. On the other hand, another person may not have as much, but still live a much happier and fulfilling life. Personally, I believe the difference lies in the ability to notice our blessings and being grateful for what we had been given. It does not matter how much we have as we may possess all the blessings this world has to offer and still not be able to notice nor appreciate them. The choice is ours: will we notice all of our blessing or choose to take them for granted?

Following that fatal night, I chose not to focus on the hell that I had been through and what I lost: my son; my husband; my home; and the life I had worked so hard for. Instead, I chose to focus on my beautiful baby-girl who needed me, my friends, and all the people in my life who loved and supported me, as well as my family, who was there no matter what and loved me unconditionally. Was it easy for me to do? Not in the beginning. However, as time went on, I made greater effort to focus on the blessings in my life and the little miracles that manifested themselves. In turn, these little miracles would help me keep my faith strong and help me believe that, one day, everything will be okay.

Even now, two years after my world had been turned upside down, every single day I make a conscious effort to be grateful for all that I have. When the memories of my old life come knocking at the doors to my heart, I let them in. I acknowledge them. Thanking God for these beautiful times and memories that I will forever hold in my heart. However, at the same time, I acknowledge and thank God for all the blessings that He has surrounded me with at that given moment. As I let go of the past, I feel grateful for all I have now.