Writing your pain and sharing it with others

Never in my life would I have imagined that I would be writing a blog. Though life has already taught me to “never say never,” so here I am.

Almost immediately after Sebastian’s death, I felt a strong desire to write and share my story with others. However, most of the time, instead of writing I just kept the words to myself only occasionally posting a short note on Facebook. It did not feel right to share my pain with the world. Nonetheless, the odd desire to share my experiences with others has prevailed and became even stronger as the time went by. In the meantime, many people encouraged me to keep a journal and a couple of good friends even gave me journals as gifts. However months would pass and the journals would remain untouched…

As a young girl, I liked writing, journaling, and reading. However, as I grew older, the idea of pouring my heart onto a piece of paper, keeping a diary and writing poems became less appealing. I felt as though these were done by hopeless romantics and people whom I considered “weak.” I did not want to feel weak anymore, nor did I want to stay a hopeless romantic. I wanted to be loved—not to just write about love. I wanted to feel strong and alive. Consequently, I exchanged my pen for a pair of high heels and put a smile on my face, hoping that this will give me a better chance of finding love.

Sometimes, I wish I would have kept my pen but then I remember that everything we experience is necessary and happens for a reason. If it were not for these experiences, it would have be impossible for me to find “me” and make me the person I am today. When I was younger, I did not realize that writing connected me with my own feelings and with my true Self. I know that now.

Finally, as the time passed, I gathered enough courage to finally open those journals, grab a pen and begin writing… I am still relearning how to write, learning how to accept who I am and to not suppress my feelings. I am learning to use the pen as a vital tool in my healing. As I write this, I ask God to use this blog as a tool in my healing and also pray that this writing would help someone else heal somehow as well … not sure how, but I trust He will hear my prayers and find a way.

Please be aware that you may find some of my entries shocking or even terrifying, but hopefully many of them will be inspiring as well. By describing the lows, I just want to show you that it is possible to experience the worst of the worst and still be able to get up and live, get out of the deepest hole you may find yourself in. Know there is always hope…